Icecreamandcake

Last weekend I left a bag of clothes at my sister’s house. My brother in law just dropped it off a minute ago. I forgot that he was coming today, and I was in the middle of a solid porn sesh when he knocked on my door.

I panicked. I stuffed my boner down into my underwear at a really odd and painful angle, messed up my hair as I ran to the door so that I could pretend I had been asleep, ran back to close the porn that was still on the computer screen, and then did my best to not answer the door with an obvious “I was totally watching porn” look on my face.

After he gave me my bag, he said, “Later, man!” and then high-fived me.

He high-fived my porn hand that I didn’t have time to wash before getting the door.

I know! It’s gross! But it’s okay—he’s the crappy brother in law that hates gay people and works with ex-gay ministries.

And now he has gay porn residue on his born-again palm.

…Oh. Shit. I hope he washes his hands when he gets home, because I just realized he’ll touch my sister and my baby niece with that same hand and oh god what have I done.