January 2012
89 posts
Dicks for everyone!
wut. I don’t know. Put a dick on it. in it.
someone help me.
1 tag
This is now a "Where Will I Piss" blog.
Stay tuned.
I HAVE TO PEE.
Where is the bathroom???
I’m going to piss in the sink. I’m lost.
2 tags
December 2011
54 posts
icecreamsandcake:
The hair is becoming slightly unmanageable.
This is why I don’t go out in public.
I was trying to find a picture of myself from the beginning of the year, so I could make comparisons and show how I’ve changed over the past 12 months, but it turns out everything is exactly the same.
New Year's Eve Predicament
Trying to figure out where everyone I want to avoid will be tonight.
Poop
-rosasparks-:
Poop, shit, dooky, crap, bowel movement, #2.
Poetry.
1 tag
Oh, and Barbie gifs.
I got a headache from playing video games
So I decided to stop and make a short list of some of my favorite tumblr/tumblr related things from 2011. I figured I’d do it now instead of tomorrow, because tomorrow I’ll probably be too drunk to remember how to spell.
Okay.
Restarting this blog after deleting it and disappearing for half a year. A lot of you followed me again right away, which encouraged me to stick with it, and...
1 tag
Anonymous asked: no answer?
1 tag
Anonymous asked: Do you not like older bottoms? Or it because you are a bottom?
1 tag
You can't swing a dick in this town without...
Look, I understand you’ve probably had a really frustrating day at the office, but I’m just trying to buy some groceries, so please stop looking at me like that. It’s weird.
Do you even see what I’m putting in my basket? It’s like half full of Activia yogurt. I need to poop. Leave me alone.
2 tags
My dad cried during dinner.
Like. What the hell, man.
This is why I’m gay.
My parents are coming over for dinner.
I’m cooking them a Southern style meal. I’ve probably used about a pound and a half of butter(Praise Be To Paula) on the corn bread and mac&cheese alone. They both have some kind of blood pressure/digestive thing, I don’t know what specifically—such a caring son—so hopefully they don’t think that I’m trying to send them to an early grave.
This is the...
How drunk should I get
for this argument I’m planning on having with John when he gets home?
Painfully Honest Confessional Drunk
Incoherent Semi-Sobbing Drunk
Sleepy Drunk
Horny Drunk
Pooping Drunk
Or should I skip the whole thing, throw his dinner in the garbage and go to sleep right now?
This is fun, right? It’s like those “Choose Your Adventure” books, except I can’t go back and...
“I’m like, really embarrassed about my tumblr. It’s soooo embarrassing. You don’t...”
– Everyone on tumblr in real life. (via edgarsux)
I’m not that embarrassed by my tumblr, but only because whenever someone I know IRL reads it, they usually think I’ve linked them to the blog of an angry, gay, Barbie obsessed shut-in that eats all day and has no friends.
I mean,...
1 tag
“can you blog about me more?”
– my brother (via johncagz)
—Also my brother.
danielbritain replied to your post: Thank god I’m home, because even though I only had…
“visibly” free-balling? eyebrowraise.gif
Thank god I’m home, because even though I only had to go into work for a few hours today, I managed to make those few hours really terrible for myself.
I woke up an hour late, got to work a half an hour late(ignoring the two employees that kept calling and texting me to see where I was), and in the rush to get there I forgot to put on underwear, so I was visibly free-balling and spent most...
Donna Summer—I Feel Love
I went...
On my way to the first Christmas party of the...
And I’m trying to remember the layout of the bar so I can figure out the best place to strategically pass gas, because I just ate a gigantic bowl of spicy chicken curry.
This is a post about farting.
sleeplessinsouthie replied to your video: “You Are My Friend” is not my favorite Patti…
I LOVE the sylvester feat. the weathergirls version though, for real.
Have you ever posted it? Because I can’t find it and I’ve never heard it :l
1 tag
neill asked: consistently one of my favorite bloggers
cooltots replied to your post: I still don’t know how to ask people for money.
Why doesn’t your pimp sort out your clients?
Boy, I’ma slap you.
But I’ll be super polite about it.
I still don't know how to ask people for money.
And I mean money they owe for me work that I’ve done for them, not money I’m trying to borrow or anything like that.
It’s super embarrassing—even though they should be the ones embarrassed for not paying me on time, right?
I literally just wrote a four paragraph email to someone who still needs to pay me, and I didn’t get to the point until the last sentence, and...
New anthology of genderqueer stories includes a... →
3 tags
Watchchloeintheafternoon:
~*~M3RR1 T3CHN0 XM45~*~
ANDY.
WHAT.
swamibooba asked: Who's on your list of Greatest Anuses of All Time?
Anonymous asked: what's your favorite thing about being drunk?
I was at a beer bar with my brother, his bf, and...
I’m home now, and I’m trying to stay awake, because if I go to bed this drunk I’m going to want to kill myself in the morning.
If you want to ask me something, now would be a good time.
1 tag
I can never tell which is worse.
Having the argument, or not having the argument and walking around the house giving each other looks, knowing that saying anything longer than “Yes” or “No” will start the argument.
Anyway, since I haven’t done much talking today, I had some time to think, and while I was thinking(about everything) I remembered this guy I used to date when I lived in South Carolina....
"My parents fed me ground meat out of the freezer...
—Pym Particles
If you don’t make this your new tag line I will unfollow you and set my computer on fire.
pymparticles replied to your post: Just a reminder.
That is why you freeze it.
That’s worse(for me). I don’t open my freezer unless there’s ice cream or a frozen pizza in there, and I grab what I want(ice cream or a frozen pizza) without even looking. Without even thinking, really. My fingers just know what the right things(ice cream or a frozen pizza) feel like and instantly...
Just a reminder.
If you buy a pack of ground beef for $2.62(I know, right?), chances are it’s probably on its last leg and needs to be used immediately, not shoved into some dark corner of your fridge and forgotten about for two weeks.
Also, when you find it, don’t open it and smell it.
While eating the Cherry Delight
icecreamsandcake:
a maraschino cherry, plus syrup, fell off the spoon and onto my stomach.
I stared at the cherry for a second, then I ate it. I didn’t feel like grabbing a paper towel to wipe up the syrup, so I just rubbed it into my belly button.
I guess this is my version of TMI Tuesday—no one asks me any questions, I just tell you all disgusting things about myself until I start to feel...
chotai replied to your post: It’s totally normal
a piece of preserved fig just drop on my shirt. I ate it and then I licked by shirt.
Ten points for also licking your shirt.
1 tag
It's totally normal
to eat a glob of ice cream that has fallen off of your spoon and onto your shirt. The quicker the better, because if it melts you’ll go to hell.
This is true and you can read it in the Bible.
2 tags
Co-worker: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Me: “Do you think I have a boyfriend?”
Co-worker: “Uh.”
Me: “Like, are you asking because you think I have one, or are you asking because you think I’m ugly and you’re wondering if ugly gay guys can have boyfriends?”
Co-worker: “What? No, I-“
Me: “You think I’m...